Flower thief wanted, dead-headed or alive

Rīga's municipal police force is appealing for help to unearth the identity of a cheapskate Romeo who stole flowers from a planting pot outside the offices of the Health Inspectorate.

The light-fingered but decidedly not green-fingered offender was captured by video cameras passing the entrance to the building then, having clearly had something in the manner of a brainwave, performing an about-face and planting himself in front of the flower pots.

A period of impromptu floristry ensues during which the eco-unfriendly fiend uproots the flowers in an act of brutal deforestation that would make even a seasoned Amazonian logger write a letter of apology to Greta Thunberg. It is not so much a tiptoe through the tulips as a rampage through the rhododendrons. 

Having found what he judges to be blooms suitable to symbolize his feelings of deep reverence toward some lucky lady (or man, let's be broadminded) he then trudges off down the street with a gait and general air of insouciance that suggests he may already have been toasting with champagne the bittersweet arrows of Cupid for some time previous to his reduction of earth's carbon capture capability.

So if you know who this master gardener is, please let the police know. On the other hand, if you happen to be the object of his affections, be advised that it is never too late to find someone who'll actually buy you flowers or, in a perfect world, grow some for you himself. 

 

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