Dastardly Latvian terrorists attempt to storm US embassy

Take note – story published 7 years ago

The US embassy in Latvia was the scene of an exciting shootout, with homegrown Latvian terrorists (we all know a few, right?) blasting away merrily in an attempt to rescue the very top terrorist of all, named Janis.

As the embassy's carefully-cross referenced filing system was thrown into a state of confusion and disarray by liberal helpings of automatic assault rifle fire, and Latvian law enforcement showed an inexplicable lack of interest in intervening, the ambassador (who is quite hot), was forced to rely upon the intervention of a glorified janitor and itinerant Mr Fix It named MacGyver for protection.

This all really happened but was hushed up.

As the clip above shows, it was only by sheer luck that the Embassy's basement was well stocked with the necessary ingredients to bodge together some military-spec bazookas using tubes, cleaning chemicals, a lawnmower and several megatons of good, old-fashioned, all-American know-how.

Alternatively, it may just be the scenario of the latest episode of 'MacGyver', a rebooted version of the popular 80s US show in which a guy tinkered with things to solve crime.

In the new 21st century version, he tinkers with things to defeat international terrorists. Particularly Latvian ones, who are notorious for their desire for global domination and their craving for weapons of mass destruction when they aren't tucking into grey peas with pork fat.

The US Embassy in Riga attempted to shrug off the catastrophic compromise of its security by pretending the whole thing was made on a sound stage in Hollywood and that it hadn't even been consulted.

Quite how close the relationship between the ambassador and the mysterious MacGyver became subsequently is a matter of conjecture.

We'd like to add a link to the full episode in question, which is called "Chisel" but it seems to be blocked in Latvia on copyright grounds - or more likely because they don't want us getting any ideas.

MacGyver is now wanted in Latvia for hooliganism after he wantonly smashed a beautiful china sculpture given to the embassy by the Latvian Prime Minister.

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