To the delight of fans of its psychotic-episode-transcript prose style, the Ministry wasted no time in frothing at the mouth, condeming what it described as an "unprecedented, in fact close to fascist, campaign launched by the authorities of the Baltic states on the barbaric mass demolition of monuments to Soviet soldiers-liberators."
Exhibiting such an extraordinary lack of awareness of its own actions in Ukraine that it seems sure to feature in future psychopathological text books, the Ministry then accused the Baltic states of going "beyond the legal framework and norms of behavior of civilized countries" and "beyond common sense and humanity".
"In the Baltic States, all citizens who have a different point of view from the official point of view are being persecuted," lamented the Ministry in strait-jacket mode. Being focused exclusively on foreign affairs, it is perhaps understandable that the Ministry is oblivious to the fates of anyone inside Russia who happens to express the view that calling a war "a war" is accurate, or that maybe President Putin is not all that.
Performing ever-decreasing-circles around the plughole of total insanity, the Ministry concluded with a curious fever dream of classical allusion, describing Baltic actions as a "bacchanal" and threatening ominous but unspecified "asymmetric measures, primarily in the political and economic spheres". This is perhaps the only point at which the Ministry's statement came within shouting distance of rationality, as "symmetrical measures" in this regard would involve demolishing Baltic victory monuments in Russia, of which there are none.
"The responsibility for what is happening lies entirely with the Baltic authorities, who refuse to understand what they are doing," are the final words of the diatribe, a statement that could itself justify hours of detailed and expensive analysis on a comfortable leather couch.
